A few weeks ago, you may recall the saga with my sister. In the end I had a 'chat' with her and at the end of it I felt like a completely unreasonable cow who is pushy and noisy and generally has no people skills. I came home and had a chat about the evening with my other half, who immediately reckoned that what I had relayed parts of the conversation that she sounded immature and insecure. This made me feel better at the time.
I have now had more of a think. One of the big points my sister made is that my concern is invading her personal space and that I should just keep my concerns to myself. A few months ago I met with someone I had not seen for a very long time. They used to see my very regularly. They had even seen me at my worst during my depression. He mentioned in conversation how genuine and honest he found me, and how consistent he has found dealing me with over such a large number of years. This helped me realise that the personality trait that my sister has deemed 'undesirable' is actually a trait that I really LIKE in me and think is important.
This does not negate that I am at times, extremely untactful and need to work on what I say to who, when and how. But at the same time it doesn't mean I am a complete social pririah, who isn't fit to hold a conversation.
While this relisation has help me feel some what better about the conversation with said sister, it really hasn't help me work out how to deal with her. In fact I feel it puts me back to a point I reached whilst talking to her. I tried to explain to her that as a person I care about, I am going to continue to feel concerned about her at times during her life. This means she might feel I am interfering at other times when I feel need to express my concerns. Her solution was for me to just not tell her. She didn't seem able to grasp that by not telling her, I would be doing myself heaps of damage (in the form of stress caused by worry etc....) I am not prepared to put myself in that position, it effects my health, my ability to work and my generally level of happiness. I said that if she didn't want to hear that sort of thing from me ever again, I wouldn't be able to maintain anything other than the most superficial relationship with her, cos I'm not able to stop caring, thats just how I am.
Bummer, looks like another 'chat' might be in order. Maybe next time there's an 'issue'